Rainy days are thought provoking

It's been a while. Five months, actually. I'll post about my experiences as a roadie and life on the road a bit later, but for now, coffee shops, rainy days and a cup of tea are all the ingredients that create perfect days for reading, reflection and allowing my mind to wonder.


It is a strange thing, the realization that I truly am richer than 85% of the world’s population, that my high school diploma and few years of university I’ve attended is far more advanced than most people of the world, that the items I have before me, a cell phone, iPod, laptop and Starbucks are things most people will never, even remotely, have within their reach in the 50-80 years they have on this earth. It is a strange feeling, one I could never fully explain, this thought settling to the core of my being and fighting the detest towards my upbringing I am feeling . Looking down at my hands, they are white. Seeing my face in the reflection of the laptop screen, blonde hair, blue eyes and a white face; everything about this moment reeks of middle-class, white, American suburbia. My initial response is slightly nauseating, but sitting in the moment evokes deeper thought. I decide it warrants more prodding into insight.

I knew Half the Sky would have an impact on me, but I never realized how much of an impact it would actually have, and I’m only on chapter three. Thoughts started to surge my mind as I reminisced about my life. Fact: I am born into privilege. The sobering truth: being born into that privilege places me so far ahead of the game that most ‘players’ will never catch up. None of this is because of intelligence, beauty, character or personality traits. No, it is simply based on one factor: where you call home. For me, home is America. Home is beautiful Colorado, nestled in the shadow of the Rockies. Home is my family and friends who are all as equally as privileged. For many other people, home may not be so serene. Where you live should not decide whether you live or whether you die.

I look down at my hands again. Still white. Still middle class. Still rich. In comparison to others by America’s standards, I blend in. In comparison to others by the world’s standards, I live like a queen. I have an education and a voice, I can truly live. Yet so often I am defeated in my own mind, constantly looking at the next man or woman in line, not quite measuring up. Insecurities pop up like weeds and suddenly, I find myself with huge dreams, a big heart, and the lack of courage to step out. What is it I’m hiding from? What is it I fear? Oh, I know; I fear being ignored. So, I hide to beat people to the chase, I give in. If I am brutally honest with myself, thinking this way is a huge disservice to the world. Look again. Women my age, young and old, all around the world go ignored every single day. They are beaten, raped, demoralized, forgotten, degraded, and murdered. The beauty that is at the core of every woman is stripped from them in the most brutal of ways, yet for the most part they are ignored. Ignored to the point where there are 27 million slaves in the world today, right now, as you read this sentence. Out of this horrific number, women and girls make up the majority.

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

I think Mother Teresa would agree with me in thinking that being ignored is one of the worst feelings a human could endure. Worse than being rejected, or forgotten, you wonder? To forget something means there must have been something there that was initially acknowledged, something to forget. To reject something means making a decision, yes or no, stay or go, etc. Again, rejection involves acknowledgement. There has been no acknowledgement. Their humanity is overlooked, their womanhood is unnoticed and they live, yet it is as though they do not exist. There are millions of women who are living out my fear every single day without the chance to escape it. I have a fear that is living out me, but I have the opportunity to change it. What better way than to be the one who tells these women they are not ignored, they are valuable, not pests, they are the answers to many of the problems crippling mankind, not the reason that mankind is crippled.

George Bernard Shaw said

Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.

Maybe it’s time to be a little unreasonable. Maybe it’s time to stop looking for leaders and recognize the leader we’ve been waiting for is you, is me. Then I grapple with the thought: what is my greater, ultimate purpose? Jesus. The one I love and the one who loves me. The savior who redeemed my life and saved me from myself and the downfalls of this world I live in. He gives me purpose, life, he is the reason I am beautiful and the push behind my voice, the words I speak and the movement to my action. I cannot, as well-intentioned as I may be, impart truly life-changing words and love into women who have been so broken and torn down. I am only one woman and my love is limited. But I know a love that has no limits or boundaries, and that is the hope I stand on. I pray that my love would be His love, my words would be His words, and my moves would be guided by Him.

life is a symphony all around me

This is the start. This is your heart. This is the day you were born. This is the sun. These are your lungs. This is the day you were born.

I'm here. I've been here since Wednesday, been in the office since Friday. I have to tell you, it is even more crazy, even more fast-paced, even more just plain ridiculous than I thought it was going to be. Honestly? I love it. Every minute of it. One minute your laughing so hard you're crying and the next you're on the phone with a TRI member, thanking them for their support and asking them to vote in the same breath. Going home is probably my favorite part of the day. After all of the days work in the office is done, all 60 of us go home to eat dinner and relax. I love it because I get to have real conversations with the people I call my family.

Last night, for example, we had our first Soul Food Sunday. It's this awesome little tradition that a few of the past semester's roadies started and it still lives on. In a nutshell, it's putting tons of horribly fattening, yet oh-so-delicious food on a makeshift table surrounded by 65 people sitting so close you can't help but feel slightly awkward about it, yet all you can really do is laugh. It was nothing short of a magical night, complete with homemade deep-fried chicken and enough laughter to last us the whole year. I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

Right now I am sitting at this little coffee shop in downtown La Mesa called Cosmos. It's quaint, lots of locals and the aroma of coffee is just right. It's been raining all day, which is actually quite beautiful. Seeing the city lights reflect off off the streets, the wet palms on the giant palm trees swaying. It's hard to believe this is real life. I am so thankful it is.

The people I live and work with are nothing short of incredible. In the past three days, I have been a part of some of the wittiest, most intellectual, deep conversations I can recall. Conversations about how people work and why, conversations about love and wisdom, conversations about injustice and hope, conversations about life. What I love the most is that there is no agenda. I've been a part of many conversations that feel as if there is an agenda, or try to discover some hidden conclusion about a number of things. It's different. These conversations are pure in motive and honestly genuine. It is simply engaging with someone in order to get to know them, who they are, what makes them tick; the other things are simply the by product, never the focus. It's a different type of conversation, one I've never really had before. It's a different way to think, a different way to approach relationship. It's a breath of fresh air.

Welcome home.